PPPS I love you
by GeeGee21
Summary: Oneshot- may become a series of one shots. Edward is jaded and lost after the death of his wife. He trudges through each day, silently grieving his loss, when he recieves a letter from her in the post. AH, AU


**Just a oneshot I've been wanting to do. So, I hope you like it. Review at the end.**

**P.P.P.S. I love you.

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I rolled over in my bed to stare at the empty space beside me, the same as I'd done every morning for the past eleven days. Just as I did every night for the past twelve.

If I looked hard enough I could still see her there, smiling at me, that cheeky smirk she so often had plastered on her face. How her features contrasted so with the cream sheets and her porcelain skin. Long brown locks falling in her eyes, gently draped along her side as she lay there looking back at me, all wide-eyed and happy. And her eyes. The way they captured and enticed my heart; the doors to her soul, the key to mine. Even with my eyes closed I could still see them. A deep mahogany. They glimmered and glistened even with no light. Just like she did, every day.

Her smell lingered still on everything. The bed sheets, the pillows, her books, each room in the house, I could smell her everywhere. Her clothes still hung in the closet, were still neatly folded in the drawer after she'd scolded the dog for running away with one of her shirts. Clean and pressed and permeating the room with her sweet aroma.

She didn't need to do the laundry that day, I told her not to, but she wanted to, so she did. She could barely move but she wanted to do it and I couldn't stop her. She had a stubborn heart; she knew what she wanted and she'd set her mind to achieving it no matter what was against her. I just shadowed her every slow movement as she loaded things, one by one into the washing machine and then the dryer. I couldn't let her do the ironing but I gave her the clothes back, ironed and folded so she could put them in each bedroom.

I stood leaning against the wall and she'd poke me or smile or pull a face as she slowly passed by into the next room.

"_Edward, I am perfectly capable of putting clothes away,"_ she'd croaked as she dragged her feet off again.

"_I know you are. I just wish you'd let me do it."_

Her laugh was raspy, _"Nuh-uh. You wanna help me with the washing now? You're twenty years too late darling."_

So I guess I'll never know why she wanted to do the laundry that day, why she'd been so determined to do it.

That was _the_ day and I think she knew it. She always knew, she had a feeling for these kind of things and I think she knew that _that_ day, that was _the_ day.

I couldn't do the laundry now. I didn't want to. I didn't want to touch anything of hers in case my own scent washed out hers. I didn't want to wake up and no longer smell her, no longer feel her presence. I was still grasping onto straws I knew I'd eventually have to cut. Eleven days later and I didn't know when I'd ever stop. If I'd ever be able to stop.

I knew I'd miss her, obviously I would, but it still came as a surprise when _that_ day came. I don't think any thing could have prepared me for the shear pain my heart went through. Is still going through. Nothing could have prepared me for that... emptiness. Every fibre of my being ached to be near her, to touch her, to feel her, just to speak to her, tell her how much I loved her. Just one last time. How I'd give up anything to just be able to tell her one last time how much I loved her.

We knew it was coming. Everyone knew it was coming, I knew one day I'd wake up and say 'good morning' for the last time, one day I'd tell her to stop being such an asshole for the last time, one day I'd say 'I love you' to her for the very last time. She picked her day, she probably had it circled in her diary as '_The day I'm going to die- don't forget to make pancakes in the morning and give back Alice's watch_' or something quirky like that because that's the kind of thing she did, and that's why I loved her.

My Bella always did stuff like that. Never one to get upset about dying...

The door creaked open as I looked intently at the pillow, the light from the hallway filtering into the room.

"Daddy?" I heard a pair of small feet padding over to my bed. I looked away from the image of the angel I had projected onto the place next to me, to the smaller, shadowed version slowly making her way over.

I sat up and smiled at her, "Hey, beautiful. how come you're not in bed?" She crawled up the bed to where I was sitting and buried her head into my side. Sitting on the side next to the empty space where the covers were cold, but not _in _the empty space. No one ever sat in it.

"I couldn't sleep. I had a bad dream," she said quietly as I cradled her in my arms. She was really quite small for a nine year old, but she had the personality, charm and intelligence of someone way beyond her years. I remember when Bella had been pregnant with her she used to read a lot of books a loud, play a lot of classical stuff, listen to radio broadcasts about things she didn't have any idea about.

I remember telling her it was stupid and that she should stop pretending to have any interest in global economy because I knew she had none. She just swatted me away and told me '_if our daughter was going to be a genius she'd have to know about everything happening around the world'_.

We'd been so excited about having a girl. We were going to have a complete family; our son, Jude and our new baby girl. Five years later, we got a dog too. Bella was so crazy about having a family of her own, she never really had one when she was growing up. Both of her parents died in an accident when she was a baby and she'd moved from foster family to foster family throughout her entire childhood. She just wanted to have someone be dependent on her, she felt like no one was. I guess she didn't realise that I always had been, from when I met her at fourteen and still now. I didn't realise it myself until she was gone that I was... am totally dependent on her. I needed her hand to hold and it wasn't there. I was so lost.

"I miss mommy." The little girl sniffled as I began stroking her dark auburn hair. She'd been born with a full head of both my hair colour and Bella's hair colour all merged into one, this had been the reasoning as to why we decided on naming her Scarlet. I felt a lump pull up in my throat as I began stroking it; soft and long, just like Bella's had been.

"So do I, baby. I miss her a lot." 'A lot' was more than an understatement.

I'd been sitting in this exact position about a year earlier, except it was Bella in my arms instead of Scarlet. She'd be diagnosed with a malignant tumour in the tissue of her right breast a year before. It had been removed and but unfortunately it came back and spread. I'd like to say it's funny how we discovered a lump, but I can't really say that. I'd found it after a night of champagne, cookies and Chuck Norris. And well, twenty years of marriage, let's just say I knew my wife's breasts better than the back of my hand and something just wasn't right. We went to the clinic the next day and treatment started shortly after that.

I remember stroking her hair, much like I was Scarlet's, and long strands of it would just come out. She really hated that. Not once had she complained about her cancer or any of the treatment but when her hair started falling, it broke her heart. And that broke my heart.

She was so bright, so alive, so Bella right until the very end. She'd sit around pulling faces and singing songs she just made up on the spot about the hairy nurse who sorted her chemo out. Even when she was having a bad day, even when I was having a bad day and sat with her anxiously awaiting test results, she'd just take the piss until I laughed. Or she'd poke me. Either way, she was always smiling.

The first time she cried throughout the whole ordeal was when she was sitting at her vanity table, combing through her hair when a large chunk came out in the brush. I'd only happened to walk into the room because I'd left my keys on the bedside table. Glancing over at her, I saw she was just sitting at the table staring vacantly at the brush, then she turned round to look at me and I'd never seen her look so completely lost or scared in my entire life. Unable to move from the doorway, I just watched her as she looked at me, and then the brush, and then me again. Then she moved her hand slowly to the back of her head and effortlessly pulled out some more.

"_Edward..."_ she'd stuttered, tears welling in her eyes as she held out her handful of hair and let it fall to the floor. I felt so fucking helpless because there was nothing I could do. And then she started shaking and then she started crying and I just knew I was not going to work that day. Or the next.

She never cried. Whenever Bella was in tears, you knew it was bad. And it was bad. It was really bad. Whenever she cried, I found myself crying along with her because I hated seeing her like that. She was so strong all of the time, I never knew how she managed it, but then when she was defeated, what hope was there for the rest of us?

"I can smell her in here." Scarlet sniffed and I had to smile a little because it really wasn't just me who could smell her everywhere. It was funny how now she was gone, we all longed for anything that reminded us of her. There had been a time where her smell had started an argument with Jude.

"_Well I'm sorry but it looked like one of mine!" _Bella had laughed whilst waving a black t-shirt around.

"_Mom, since when did you have a shirt that looked like that? In that size? Ever? You don't!"_ Jude hadn't been as amused.

"_Well, I dunno, things go funny in the wash sometimes, easy mistake to make, kiddo. Here, take it if you want it." _ Jude had narrowed his dark brown eyes and glared at her before huffing and folding his arms in defeat.

"_I don't want it now," _he grumbled, _"It smells of you. You can keep it."_

"_Aw, c'mon, you sure? I thought you loved my mommy smell?" _ she'd cooed, squishing his cheeks together. She always took the piss out of Jude and his 'I'm such a seventeen year old, I hate you all, fuck my life' attitude. She did everything and anything she could to wind him up and every single time he'd get really pissy and we were just waiting for him to let it all out and then... nothing. He always forgave her, ignored her, told her she was right and just walked away.

"_Mom... stop," _he whined.

"_Go on, say it, you love my smell. C'mon, take a whiff."_

"_God, you're so weird, I don't love your smell! Go away."_ He tried swatting her away while she threw herself onto him and hugged him with all her might.

He took the top back a couple of days ago.

I saw his dishevelled brown hair and lanky frame trudging back to his room with it in his hands as I came up the stairs.

At first I got a little panicky that maybe he'd moved something I didn't want to be moved, that things wouldn't be how they'd been left. But everything was exactly the same. All the things on her dresser hadn't moved an inch, I opened the drawers to see everything just as she'd left it. Everything perfect until a tear I hadn't been aware of slid down my face and dripped onto the blue jumper that was neatly folded at the top.

I took it out iinto my hands as if it would disintegrate if I held it too hard. I sat on the end of our bed for two hours with that jumper, held to my nose as I inhaled the fabric, my tears soaking into it. I'd known she was going to die. She knew she was going to die. It wasn't a surprise, it wasn't a terrible accident, everyone knew. But I still couldn't let go. Even when they gave her a time frame I didn't believe it. I knew my Bella, she'd make it forever if she wanted, not the eight months they predicted.

She didn't even make that. She just about made two months after a rapid deterioration.

The cancer spread and there was no winning; she just got paler and thinner and weaker. Her medication made her sick and tired, she wore a scarf over her head since she had no hair left. But she was still my Bella, my beautiful wife. The one person I'd chosen to spend my life with and I couldn't have chosen anyone better. She made my life what it was, she pushed me to do things I never would have, to love like I never thought possible, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

---

Scarlet sat with me until she fell asleep. I gently lifted her and took her back to her room, placing her down in her bed and kissing her forehead, leaving the little lamp light on and the door slightly ajar. Just how she liked it. On returning back to my room, I noticed the glow coming from under Jude's door. It was two in the morning and I know teenagers are nocturnal, but the kid had school in the morning.

I knocked before entering to see him sitting on his large double bed, iPod earplugs in and sketch book in hand. I leant on the doorframe for a while, my arms crossed over my chest as I watched him. Jude didn't do much rebelling teenage things, he was quiet and secluded. He sat in his room and this is what he did. He was an artist. He wrote, he drew, he read, he played the piano just as well or even better than I could.

He had his girlfriend, Jane, and the two of them came up here and did god knows what. All I know is that it was a whole lot of no sex. Bella and I used to listen in at the door sometimes when we got bored, and honestly there was no funny business, ever. I even ended up asking him what the hell it was they did, he said "stuff" and that he "wasn't a prude". Well, all this "stuff" must have been going on at her house because unless they became mutes, nothing went on here.

Bella often laughed and said to just leave him to it, but I thought it was just weird. I know for a fact at seventeen, Bella and I had had sex in every place possible in my house and were half way through conquering hers. But eh, I guess he's just a quiet kid.

He caught sight of me standing at the door way and reached up to pull an earplug out from his ear, his hand stilling from the sketch. "You should probably be getting to bed you know. You've got school," I said, straightening myself up.

"Yeah... I guess." He spoke quietly and looked down at his sketch, sighing and then shutting the book. I looked around his tip of a room, just about everything and anything thrown around everywhere it could possibly be thrown. And then the t-shirt, the only thing in the whole room he'd put on a hanger, was hanging on the outside of his closet. I stared at it for a while only being brought back to reality by his voice.

"It gets easier, right?" I turned my head to see him staring at the t-shirt as well.

"Yeah, it will. In time. But we're going to be alright, kid." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand quickly and nodded.

Walking around the house, I often had to do a double take when looking at Jude. He looked so much like Bella it was surreal. He just _was_ her. His face was her face, the colour of his eyes, the colour of his hair, his skin, his nose. He _was _Bella in a male form, it was like she had just duplicated herself and changed the gender. He hadn't always looked so much like her, during his awkward pre-teens stage he looked like the pictures we had of Bella's father, Charlie, before he died. Just a smaller version and without the moustache. Scarlet on the other hand looked just like a mix of my mother, Esme, and Bella's mother, Renée.

But Jude was Bella.

Personality wise, they differed. Bella's past made her a strong and confident character. Like my brother Jasper, Jude held back, he took in his environment, what other people felt and acted accordingly. He preferred to just keep to himself. I wondered if maybe he was keeping things to himself that he shouldn't, I'm sure he'd talk to Jane. But still, we were a family, a unit.

"Get some sleep, you look tired. And if you need to talk about anything, well, you know where I am, son." He knew he could talk to me whenever, but I just had to make sure, I needed to know he had someone. He was such a mommy's boy. He did everything he could for Bella while he could, he may have grumbled about it sometimes but he did what he could nonetheless. Honestly, he worshipped the ground she walked on. He didn't really 'do' emotion, but I knew he was hurting. Just like the rest of us.

I knew if I didn't have my family around, I'd have been totally crushed by all of this. I still felt like I was barely hanging on, and that was after hours upon hours of time spent talking to my sister and constant support from everyone else.

"Thanks..." I nodded and edged out of the room, shutting the door behind me and then standing in the dark hallway.

I couldn't go back to my bed. Not when she wasn't there. Through the day time I could distract myself, other things needed to be done, kids had to go to school, I had to make plans for the funeral, the dog had to be walked, life went on. But at night, in the moments that were just ours, when our barriers came down, then I just felt lonely. I felt lonely, I felt empty and it really hurt. It caused me physical pain, returning to an empty, cold bed, expecting my love and finding nothing. It made my chest constrict, it made my stomach sink to the point where I felt sick.

I kept up a front, like Bella, we tried not to cry in front of our children, we didn't want to put a downer on the whole family, but at the same time, we were a team. We shared our problems. Just like when we found out there was little to no chance of Bella getting better. That hurt like a motherbitch but we had to tell our kids. We all cried then, quietly while we held each other. We felt like we were losing the stitching that kept us so nicely blanketed together. Bella was the stitching, without her we'd still be together but we'd be fraying at the edges.

That night when we were lying in our bed, I rested my head on the top of hers where her hair used to reside, wild and long, and held her as close to me as I could while she fiddled with my fingers. We just lay in silence, basking in each other's presence for as long as we could.

"_Edward?"_

"_Yes, love?"_ There was a pause before she spoke again.

"_I don't want to die," _she whispered, a lone tear trickled down her face and dropped onto the pillow followed by another and then another. _"I don't want to leave you. I don't want to be alone. I want to see my babies grow up. I want to be with you forever." _Her tears were falling freely by then, dampening the bed and my arm and the more she tried to stop the more she cried.

"_You're going to be ok though. You're all going to be fine because I love you all so much._" I remember how I couldn't say anything back to her. I squeezed her delicate frame and buried my head in the crook of her neck as she just repeated herself over and over. I don't know if she stopped saying it once she'd convinced herself or if she thought she'd convinced me, _"You're going to be ok."_

---

"Has anyone looked at the board?" Scarlet said, no longer interested in the bowl of cereal I'd just put in front of her. Instead her focus was on the white board we had up in the kitchen. It was there so that we could write things that needed to be done that week. Since Bella was the one who usually did it, no one had touched it in the past month.

"No, I haven't, no one's put anything on it. You haven't got time to be looking at the board, you need to eat your cereal missy so you can get to school."

"But-"

"Eat," I chided, picking up a piece of toast and then flipping through today's newspaper. She scowled at me, her bright green eyes piercing directly into mine before she picked up her spoon and shovelled some cereal into her mouth.

"I'm eating. But look at the board."

"What's on the board?" Jude asked, picking up a piece of my toast and biting into it before putting it back down. I went to hit him round the head with the newspaper but he ducked out of the way of it and walked towards the board.

He stopped in front of it and then laughed a little and damn, I hadn't heard that boy laugh in what seemed to be forever so I looked up from my newspaper, picking up the pile of mail instead, "What's on it?"

"Look." He stepped out of the way and there on the board was a list of things that needed to be done, not just for the week but for the year. Not even just for the year more for a lifetime. All of it written unmistakably in Isabella Cullen's handwriting. I knew it anywhere, it was horrible and I told her every time she wrote something down, which was a lot of the time. She had many talents, this was not one of them.

"_Well I'm so sorry but I'm a teacher not an artist. And anyway, you don't seem to care too much about my hands when they're on your dick, do you. No. So shut up."_ She'd say every time I made a snarky comment. I wasn't an artist either, but working in journalism I made sure my handwriting was legible. As an English teacher, you would have thought hers would be as well...

She'd drawn pictures all over it too, things I suppose she associated with the things she'd written down. _'Do well in school'_, '_Do what makes you happy!'_, '_Keep the dog alive for as long as possible!!'_ were among the extensive list, illustrated with badly drawn unicorns, and hearts, and smiley faces and ice cream, a guitar, an umbrella, books, what I think was supposed to be a dog. I think she actually just tried drawing everything she could think of.

But right at the very bottom of the board was a photo she'd stuck there from Christmas two years ago, when we'd gone home to Forks to be with the whole family. My parents house, which was huge as it was, was filled with children, merry adults, Christmas cheer and food. It was a great Christmas that year.

All around the picture she'd put, '_I love you all forever and ever and ever and ever and ever. For always. And then a bit longer than that. But no more than that, I have things to do, like keeping an eye on all of you...'_

I looked at it and smiled widely, reading as much as I could in that time but I really had to get to work, I couldn't be late again and that board wasn't going anywhere. I think then, in that moment, the three of us made a silent oath that the board was never to be cleaned. It would remain how it was for as long as it was.

I had to wonder when on earth she did that. She could barely stand for too long near the end, but then again, no one had looked at the board in a _long_ time. I shook my head looking to the mail in my hands. Cards of people sending their condolences, bills, crap, more bills and then a letter.

My smile faded as I looked at the board and then to the front of the letter again. It was addressed to me in _her_ hand. This was Bella's handwriting. But the letter had no postal stamps so I didn't know where it'd come from. I put down my toast and stared at it for a while.

"What is that, daddy?" Scarlet asked, now looking at me. Jude turned around and watched me as well as I carefully opened the envelope and pulled the letter inside.

It was really from my Bella. This was her special paper. She didn't use this paper for anyone.

'_My darling Edward,'_

I stopped breathing for just a second as I read the words. My heart almost exploding from within my chest, nearly suffocating me. It took me a while to restart my brain and read the rest of the letter.

'_If you're reading this then I guess I'm already gone. So since I can't talk to you directly I thought I'd write you a letter. This is really strange, I'm going to have to write this like I'm not there... because I not. Except I am, right now I'm sitting next to you and you're sleeping and you're holding the bed sheets funny, just like you used to when we were younger. You look so cute..._

_Anyway, I asked for this to be posted twelve days after, so I guess you'll get this is day twelve. Day twelve without me. I bet the house is a mess already. I hope you're actually doing the dishes properly because they don't clean well in the dishwasher. You better write that one down Edward Cullen, I know what you're like!_

_Are you ok? Are the kids ok? I hope you're all well. I know you are, I know you'll all be fine. It might not seem like it right now, but I know you're all going to carry on doing great things. (I say 'carry on', well I know it's true for Jude and Scarlet, but you my love? If leaving the toilet seat up and putting empty milk cartons back in the fridge counts as 'great things' then you keep going big guy...)_

_No, I know you will. I know you'll keep being the wonderful man you are already. The best husband I could have hoped for. The best friend, the best father. I seriously could not imagine being with anyone else but you (And my kids probably wouldn't have turned out half as pretty as they did- who am I kidding, they've got my DNA they were always going to be beautiful)_

_Ok, I'm joking on paper but I'm crying right now._

_You know I don't want to leave you. I don't want to make you do it all alone, I want to be there Edward, I really do. I really, really do. But I can't physically be and there isn't anything you or I can do about that. And it's heartbreaking for me but I'm not there... here anymore so that must mean you're alone. I don't want you to feel alone Edward. I know we said all that 'til death do us part at the alter but death is not taking me away from you. _

_Wherever you are, I'm there too. Whenever you need me, I'm right there, Edward. I'm not leaving you, I'm not ever leaving you. I don't care if I'm stealing this from E.T. but I'm always in your heart (I started moving in years ago- it's a cosy place you've got here) I'm everywhere you are. I'm in our house. I'm in our family. I'm in our friends. I can't believe how hard the thought of leaving you is. Wow, it's not a good feeling._

_But we made it. Twenty years exactly. I know you're probably reading this and thinking how the hell did I know the day I was going to die. Well I don't know really, but that's the day I've been wanting it to be if any day at all. And if you let me, then I know I went the way I wanted to. With you. I told you, I'm never leaving you. Sorry Cullen, but you're stuck with me 'til the very end. Mine just happened to come a bit early, but just wait until it's you and then we have eternity. I can't wait. _

_A lifetime just isn't long enough and we only got half. That's just not fair._

_I want to thank you. Thank you for making the life I've had. Thank you for making everything what it was. Thank you for bumping into me when you were fourteen and I was twelve. Thank you for knocking my tooth out, if you hadn't I would never have met you. I'm telling you, it was fate. Thank you for being my best friend for the last twenty six years and my lover for twenty four. You told me you'd marry me one day; I didn't believe you, you had a thing for being all talk. But you did. You kept your word and you will never know how happy you made me when you asked me to be your wife. You'll never know because I can't think of the words. Just know I was ecstatic. But then I think you know that, I spilt my slushy all over your favourite shirt- sorry, I love you, I know you were always a little sour about that._

_Thanks for the memories. Good and bad. It's not always been easy for us, but we pulled through. I know I was crazy at times, I didn't make much sense or sometimes I'd have a day where I just didn't talk to you. I'm just like that, and you've always loved me that way. Just as I've always loved you even though you make snidey remarks about my handwriting (I know you're thinking it now- don't! It's mean!) _

_Thank you for my family. The family I've always wanted, you gave it to me. We have the boy and the girl, the dog, the goldfish and the picket fence outside. We have the most beautiful children. I know they can get a little much, but we love them and we hope that's enough. Just remember, be good to them now and they'll put you in a good home later. It's a win-win. _

_Let Jude be Jude, he's a good kid and he really isn't doing anything when he says he's not. Don't push him to be something he can't be, let him go in the direction he wants. I know you want him to be excellent and he will be. Whatever he does he'll be excellent. _

_Don't throw a hissy fit over Scarlet. She's not stupid, she knows how to pull your finger and she's a girl. Don't be mean to her because I will hit you, she's stuck in this house with you two boys and you can be a real asshole when you want to be. My poor baby. Don't kill her first boyfriend, let her date, I know you'll hate it because I know you, but it's all part of growing up. Just remember, we did it too. _

_Thank you for everything, through the cancer and everything. You've been my rock. I would not have made it nearly as long as I did without you. You made me strong. You made me fearless. You built me back up at my lowest points. The thought of another day with you and our family in it was my inspiration to keep going. And I went as far as I could, Edward. Thanks to you. You made me Bella Cullen. Do you know I practiced my signature about a million times before our wedding? I don't think I ever told you that. I was so excited. Mrs Isabella Cullen. I still love it._

_This won't be the last letter. I have too much to say and I don't want to cram it all up so it means nothing. Just remember I love you more than words can describe. I'm not one for being soppy, as you well know, but I love you for being everything I've ever wanted and more. Be strong, for everyone. _

_I want you to live forever Edward. Live to be a million. I want you to see everything I never got the chance to, go out and.. do stuff! I'll be waiting for you whenever you wish to join me. And I know you might think it's silly but write to me some time. Just write to me about anything you want then stick it in the mail box. You don't need an address, I'll know it's you. It'll get to me, I promise, we have air mail round here, it's pretty cool. _

_This letter is yours, baby. Keep it for yourself._

_Be happy Edward._

_I love you so much I'm going to explode. Yours forever, Bella. X'_

I held the piece of paper tightly within my fingers and stared at it long after I finshed reading it.

"Dad, are you ok?" I heard Jude ask me, but I just didn't knwo how to answer in that second.

"Daddy, you're crying... what is it?" Scarlet asked, sounding a little upset herself.

I put my hand to my cheek and saw I was crying. I hadn't even realised there were teardrops on the paper. I looked at it again. Bella's fancy paper with all the golden swirls around the edges. And she used it for me. I smiled at it although I could feel a sob building in my chest. But I had to be strong for everyone. _For Bella._

I looked up at my two beautiful children still waiting for my answer. I wiped away my tears and shook my head, offering them one of the most genuine smiles in a while, "It's... uh, it's nothing. Sorry. It's alright. I think... I think we're going to be alright." They both looked at me strangely like someone had just hit me round the head with a frying pan. Like I wasn't seeing our current situation as a big picture.

But I was seeing it now, the bigger picture. Bella was still in it and she always would be. And we were going to be fine because we were us. We were a family and we always made it through.

Bella had died in my arms. She said she wanted to be with me when she went and she was. On our twentieth wedding anniversary, in our garden, at home under the willow tree. I'd wrapped her in a blanket and rocked her as we watched the stars.

"_Edward, I'm so tired,"_ she'd said, her eyes closed as I cuddled her frail body to mine.

"_I know you are, love, just rest now."_ I'd kissed the top of her head and she smiled at me. I hummed the lullaby I so often did when she couldn't sleep. I let it carry in the wind while she became weaker and weaker.

"_I love you, Edward. I love you so much."_ Her voice was barely audible and I just knew, just like she did, that that was the last thing she was ever going to let pass through her lips.

"_I love you, too. I always will." _

A tear fell from my eyes onto her head and I wiped it away quickly, replacing it with a kiss. I sat and listened to her breathing slow until it eventually stopped. I sat and held her, wrapped in her blanket as I cradled her and hummed her song. I sat with her still in my arms when her skin started to turn cold, and still I tried to keep her warm. I sat with her for an hour after she'd gone and then I let my sobs rack through my chest as I came to realise, _she'd gone_.

She'd really gone.

I held her to me and sobbed. I cried for my loss, I cried because she didn't have to suffer anymore. It was over now, she was free. I cried for all the things she'd done and all the things she never got the chance to do. I cried because she hardly ever did. She'd been so fearless, and she'd loved me, right until the end. Just as I did her.

As I got into the car, ready to drop our daughter at school, running late for work as usual, I pulled out the letter from my pocket and read it again. This time I noticed in the corner there was a 'P.T.O'. So I turned it over.

'_P.S. Clean out the god damn garage! How many times have I told you? I've been telling you for four years now, so do it already!_

_P.P.S. I have my hair back!_

_P.P.P.S. I love you. '

* * *

_

**Playlist:**

Delicate- Damien Rice

Cold Water- Damien Rice

Fever Dream- Iron & Wine

Lullaby- The Spill Canvas

See You Soon- Coldplay

Such Great Heights- Iron &Wine

Amsterdam- Coldplay

Beach Baby- Bon Iver

Flume- Bon Iver

**So, as I said, I cried so much writing it, which is probably why it took me all day. Please review and tell me what you thought. I think that's all, I just hope you liked it, sigh :') This may become a series of one shots so you might want to put it on alert.  
**


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